Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A Day at a Time

I still can't believe it was just yesterday that my Dad called and told me the news. Nothing will stop your heart like the words "They found some tumors in your mom's brain."

We've all seen the soaps and movies and TV shows where someone has a brain tumor and they die tragically young. You always hear about your friend's friend or your parents' friends' mom, or whoever that had a tumor or cancer. You never think that it will happen to you. That sort of thing only happens on TV or to someone else that you don't really know.

But right now, it's happening to us. My family. My mom. Four tumors. In her brain. She's only 44.

And the worst part is I'm halfway across the world. I can't be there by her side while she's going through the tests and the scans and the biopsy. I asked her if she wanted me to come. She said not yet. She wanted me to wait until we found out what we are dealing with. She says not to worry. She'll be fine and we'll get through this. And then she says that she keeps going from sad to angry to guilty that my dad, brother, sister and I have to go through this. And then she's defiant. Determined that nothing will get her down.

I wish I could be that strong. I wish I could say, with 100 percent conviction, everything is going to be okay. Those tumors are not cancer. They'll just remove them and everything will be okay.

I do say that everything will be okay, but I worry and I doubt. I sit in my room and cry because for the first time in my young life, I'm facing the possibility that I could lose my Mom. We all know that at some point in our lives, we will come to this moment. But normally it comes when we're all old and gray. Not now.

But all I can do is just pray and think positive. Maybe if I act like I believe everything will be okay, I really will start believing it. I have to be strong for my family. For my Mom. We've been praying non-stop since we found out and we have gotten good news. There are no other tumors in her body, which makes it seem more like the ones in her brain are benign. We're still waiting on more tests and results, but we're taking it one day at a time and one victory at a time.

We'll get through this. And Mom will be fine. It's just the journey is a little scary along the way.

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